The Top Five Overheard Eros Day Arguments
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The Top Five Overheard Eros Day Arguments is a The Caprican Entertainment article written by Carl Kipp. It was published in Februarius 24, YR42.
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Has there ever been a holiday so widely reviled as Eros Day? And it's not just by single frustrated lonely hearts, either - even people in happy, healthy romantic relationships seem to hate it, too. What is it about the day that we honor our god of love, lust and life that brings out such boiled-over emotions? Truly, I was fearing for my life while walking through Caprica City on Eros Day, everyone was in such a bad mood.
Don't believe me? Here's some of the stuff I overheard. It's all real. You can't make this stuff up, Capricans.
5. At Apollo Park:
Ah, young love...
TEENAGE GIRL: I hate you. TEENAGE BOY: I hate you, too. TEENAGE GIRL: I frakkin', I frakkin' HATE YOU!! TEENAGE BOY: FRAK YOU!!
The Teenage Girl then punched the Teenage Boy in the face, and I swear two of his teeth flew out. Yeah. Two of his teeth.
I later saw them making out, so I guess they made up. That's why this incident is only No. 5 on the list.
4. On the Pantheon Bridge:
There was a couple looking out over the water. I think they were very drunk.
WOMAN: If I fell, would you jump in after me? MAN [grabs her, jokingly tries to throw her off the bridge]: You mean like how your dad "fell?" Ha ha! WOMAN [breaking free of him, bursting into tears]: How dare you...!
I'm not completely sure what the guy meant by that, though I assume maybe the woman's father committed suicide by jumping off a bridge, or maybe the father was just drunk and fell off the bridge. I don't know if it was specifically the Pantheon Bridge. Nor will I ever know. Either way, that's pretty harsh.
3. In a Little Tauron restaurant:
You think couples are bad on Eros Day? Group marriages are even worse...
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN [to a table of three husbands and two wives]: So, we're agreed, we're all getting a divorce, yes?
2. On the MAGLEV:
Eros Day wouldn't be complete without someone wishing someone else had been on board the MAGLEV during the bombing.
OLD WOMAN: I wish you'd stop being so stubborn OLD MAN: I wish you'd blown up on that train that blew up. OLD WOMAN: Oh, Gerald. OLD MAN [mocking her]: "Oh, Gerald!" OLD WOMAN: Stubborn, so stubborn! OLD MAN: Wish you would die. Wish you would die. OLD WOMAN: Well you probably don't have to wait that long. OLD MAN: Thank the gods! OLD WOMAN: Ha, think they listen to you? You old fool. They don't listen to you. OLD MAN: Wrong, they don't listen to you!
I forgot the rest, but I think the gods themselves chimed in at one point.
And, finally, the worst Eros Day exchange wasn't so much an argument as it was a revelation, heard at my own workplace...
1. At The Caprican:
Entertainment blogger Carl Kipp: I love you. I've always loved you. Photo intern Susie Danvers: I have a boyfriend.
Whoa. Take thy beak from out my heart.
Now that Eros Day is over, can we go back to being our happy friendly selves again, please? Come on, Caprica. It won't come again for another year, I promise.
[And yes, this was my last posting with The Caprican, folks. Thanks for the memories. It's been real!]
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