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== Get The Script ==
== Get The Script ==


*[http://galacticascripts.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/spaceball-galactica-1980.pdf To download a PDF file this script, right-click on this link and select "Save Target As"]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?shi121a93472j05 To download a PDF file this script, click here.]


== References ==
== References ==

Revision as of 03:05, 30 September 2011

Spaceball
"Spaceball"
An episode of the Galactica 1980 series
Episode No. Season 1, Episode 6
Writer(s) Frank Lupo
Jeff Freilich
Glen A. Larson
Story by
Director Barry Crane
Assistant Director
Special guest(s) Jeremy Brett as Xaviar/Lieutenant Nash
Production No. 55115
Nielsen Rating
US airdate USA 1980-03-30
CAN airdate CAN {{{CAN airdate}}}
UK airdate UK
DVD release
Population survivors
Additional Info
Episode Chronology
Previous Next
The Super Scouts, Part II Spaceball The Night the Cylons Landed, Part I
[[IMDB:tt{{{imdb}}}|IMDb entry]]
Listing of props for this episode
Related Media
@ BW Media
Promotional Materials
Online Purchasing
Amazon: Standard Definition | High Definition
iTunes: USA


Overview

The Super Scouts travel to a camp for underprivileged children and help out an aging baseball star, while Troy and Dillon search for the rogue, time traveling Xaviar.

Summary

Act 1

  • Adama recounts the events that have lead up to the episode, mentioning the rogue Council member Xaviar, the "imminent and final Cylon attack", and the Super Scouts inability to perfectly blend in with Earth's children due to their abilities.
  • On Earth, Troy and Dillon are riding their turbines to an open field. They park their bikes under a tree upon seeing a Viper (Galactica Probe 1) become visible. As they park and dismount, Dillon asks what the "sudden urgent mission" was all about, but Troy doesn't know. They leave their bikes, activating their invisibility field as they meet up with a Colonial Warrior named Lieutenant Nash.
  • Nash tells them that he's brought the Viper to them so that they may carry out their mission. Troy asks him about the mission, saying that the instructions were most vague, since they were using the scrambler and that no one would be able to intercept or decode the transmission. Dash tells them that one person could: Xaviar.
  • Dash informs them that Doctor Zee has confirmed Xaviar's re-entry into the present time frame.
  • Dillon tells Troy that he's waited for a chance to get his hands on Xaviar; Dash replies that his chance has come. Dash informs them that their orders are sealed into the computron and the coordinates for Xaviar's locations have been programmed into the auto flight.
  • Upon addressing the issue of his being stranded on Earth, Nash informs them that he's to watch over the Super Scouts while they conduct their mission.
  • Troy appears to like the idea, seeing as the children will have someone to relate to who has a similar background. He tells Nash that the children are with Jamie Hamilton and can be reached through the United Broadcasting Company. Nash assures Troy to not worry and that he'll give the children "extra special care". As Troy and Dillon put on their helmets, Troy tells Nash that they'll be back in a hurry.
  • As they close the canopy for launch, Nash twirls his mustache and says, "I wouldn't count on it, Captain."
  • Elsewhere in the country, Colonel Jack Sydell is on the phone discussing budget problems. He yells into the phone angrily, saying that he's basically flying a desk at public relations. His secretary, an Air Force Lieutenant, arrives with a file folder, which she places on his desk. After he gets off the phone, he tells her that the consensus appears to have turned against him, for they believe he's spending too much of the taxpayers' money on tracking down UFOs. His secretary tells him that tracking down UFO's is his job, but Sydell sees it differently: he's to explain away odd occurrences as easily as possible.
  • After she asks to leave, Sydell reviews the packet he's given. He sees a newspaper clipping of The Daily News that tells of the story of Dr. Donald Mortinson's capture. Seeing that Hamilton is somehow linked to the two Warriors, "whoever they are", he tells his secretary that he will be gone for a while and does not want people to know, since it is top secret.
  • At the UBC building, Hamilton is taking the Super Scouts on a tour of the stages. She tells the children to be careful of the wires as they walk through. She has them promise her that they'll be on their best behavior and tells them that the tour booklets will tell them all about how television works on Earth.
  • Starla asks Hamilton how long she'll be gone. Hamilton replies that she won't be gone long, but she does have a job she has to do, or she'll get fired.
  • Wellington tells her not to worry and that he'll lead the tour. Much to Hamilton's surprise, he reveals that he's finished reading the tour booklet in three minutes. She tells him to keep them busy until she gets back.
Jamie and the Super Scouts.
  • Wellington begins his "seminar" by going over the "primitive, but fascinating" television camera. He believes he can best explain it by taking it apart.
  • In Mr. Brooks' office, he begins doling out assignments to his reporters. He tells Harris to take a team to cover the recall election in a California county, then after that cover the illegal alien situation down in the Garment District. Just as he explains the latter part, Hamilton enters the office and sits down quickly. He asks a reporter next to her about the "aliens", and Brooks interjects with the "illegal worker type" and "not the kind of aliens who land in flying saucers", which elicits a chuckle from the people at the table.
  • Brooks goes into a human interest story on Billy Eheres, a former National League "bonus baby" whose camp for underprivileged children, Casey's Camp, is in financial trouble. He asks Chuck to cover it after Chuck covers the Mayor's office. However, Hamilton decides to take the story and talks him into giving it to her, figuring that she can bring the Super Scouts here (though she doesn't voice the fact). Hamilton gets the assignment and everyone disperses. As she also moves to leave, Mr. Brooks tells her to stay.
  • As Wellington explains the operation of the camera's various electronic pieces, an employee comes across them and is enraged to see the camera all taken apart. Wellington explains that he's explaining the basic rudiments of video transmission and welcomes him to listen.
  • Back in Brooks' office, Brooks is having a talk with Hamilton about her "running off" on her own and covering stories that she hasn't been assigned to, like "terrorists and flying saucers", and about her disappearances for days at a time. She replies that stories don't tell themselves from 9 to 5. He scoffs this, saying that he hasn't the time to talk about their philosophies of journalism, and encourages her to go to the camp to get its story, believing that she can't get into any trouble on that one.
  • Hal Fredricks, a camerman, enters the office. Hal is assigned to cover the story with Hamilton to get some pictures. Brooks fawns about Eheres, saying that he had the potential to be the greatest baseball player that ever lived, and he believes that people would be interested in hearing about him again. Hamilton says that she's right on the story, but has to make a stop. Brooks tells her that she is to go directly to the camp and Hal drags her to the door, saying that she "cannot pass go" and "cannot get 200 dollars". Brooks pleads with her to stay out of trouble, which segues into the employee barging into the room and telling her she's in a lot of trouble.
  • Back in the studio, Wellington is showing how the camera is able to reproduce Starla's image via 525 lines. As he explains the camera, Hamilton, the irate employee, and Brooks enter the studio. The irate employee points the scouts out to Brooks, telling them that they've caused the trouble. Hamilton goes to Wellington and asks him what he's doing and insinuates that the Scouts ruined $80,000 camera, which Wellington adamantly denies. The distraught employee then asks where they hid the pieces to the camera. Wellington notes that they didn't hide anything. In fact, he says that he noticed that the man was so upset that they put the camera back together again. The employee then notes that "there was a number four" piece that went to the camera, which Starla (propped on a ladder) produces.
  • The bewildered employee, with the number in his hand, adamantly points out "that there is no way on Earth" that the camera the scouts have reassembled is the camera 4. Brooks takes the number from the employee and places it on the camera, proving definitively that it is camera 4. Brooks asks the employee if some of his men may have been working on it. He replies that he "supposes so" and Hamilton points out the obvious, but absurd alternative: the children took it apart and were able to put it together again.
  • Brooks says that he thinks they owe Hamilton and the children a big apology. Hamilton says it's all right, as mistakes happen.
  • As Hamilton, Brooks and Hal walk down another part of the stage, Brooks notes that he now understands why Hamilton was gun-ho for the Eheres' story. He asks where the kids came from and she says she found them while covering the Paradise Valley pollution story, mentioning that they are orphans. Brooks believes that they may be able to tie the two stories together, mentioning that he'd like to "really see Billy Eheres' camp survive", and he grows fond of the angle of the orphans and the underprivileged kids.
  • He tells Hal to take great shots of the kids, saying that he'll put it on the 6:00 news' human interest segment. Hal happily agrees, claiming that he'll make the scouts a "household item". Brooks and Hal walk off, the former droning away about the types of shots he wants, much to Hamilton's consternation.
  • Troy and Dillon follow Nash's instructions and are on vector 1060. When they transfer to automatic feed, their ship slows to a halt and begins to lose power. The warning indicators do not indicate any malfunction and the computron has failed to take over their flight as programmed. Dillon voices that perhaps Zee made a mistake, but Troy quickly dismisses that possibility as Zee doesn't make mistakes.
  • Troy and Dillon try to switch back to manual control. It fails. Troy postulates that the function guard mechanism, which automatically reverts control from automatic to manual should the automatic features fail to function, is malfunctioning.
  • Troy notes that he should contact the Galactica to notify them of their disposition.
Adama next to the real Nash
  • On Galactica, Adama is on the bridge as they receive the transmission. When Troy notes that the "program by Doctor Zee is malfunctioning", Adama grows concerned -- as he has no idea of what they speak of. Troy tells Adama that they received their orders from Nash and took his Viper, as ordered. Adama says that's impossible, as Nash is standing right beside him.
  • Dillon tells Troy that there was only one other person who could have delivered the Viper: Xaviar.
  • Adama points out the obviousness of the trap that the Warriors managed to get themselves into, but all communication with the Viper is lost. Adama orders Nash to dispatch a recon probe.
  • The Viper itself is in complete power shutdown and they find they only have 24 hours of life support left at normal breathing capacity.
  • Adama confers with Zee, telling the prodigy that Xaviar is "totally evil" and mentions that Xaviar can change his appearance. Zee explains that such things are possible, since they've been quite successful with their own epidermal transformation and it is possible to look like anyone. Adama is confused as to what Xaviar hopes to accomplish, and all he can hope to gain is time. Zee postulates that this is what he's looking for, since he needs the Warriors out of the way to carry out his "nefarious scheme". Adama then stumbles on what Xaviar is after: the Super Scouts.
  • Zee further postulates that, as Xaviar cannot return to Galactica except as a prisoner, his plan is to use the children to barter for his freedom. Adama knows that they can't send other Warriors, since Dillon and Troy were the only two who know where the children went, and they can do nothing but wait and see.

Act 2

  • Hamilton, Hal and the Super Scouts arrive at Casey's Baseball Park and are met by Billy Eheres, who insists he be called Billy. Hamilton introduces the scouts as orphans, thinking it'd be nice to see his camp. He encourages the kids to mingle with the other kids and, after being asked by multiple scouts, Hamilton agrees. Hal comes from the car to protest, saying he's not ready yet, but Hamilton assures him that there's plenty of time for pictures.
  • Kids are playing at a nearby baseball field. Hamilton and Eheres talk about people recognizing the importance of sports, which is why Eheres opened the camp in the first place. Hamilton asks for clarification, since she was lead to assume that it was a camp for underprivileged children. He replies that underprivileged kids play baseball as well. He mentions the team he has going to the regionals and that he's counting on them to win. Should they win, the baseball camp will get all the funding it needs from sponsors, and should they not, they'll lose the camp.
  • Hal arrives and reminds Hamilton that Brooks wanted pictures of the kids. He suggests that the scouts play ball with Eheres' kids. Eheres likes the idea, seeing as the team they were supposed to scrimmage with came down with the flu. Hamilton says no, saying that they don't know baseball and, where they come from, they've hardly seen daylight. Eheres comments that he'd like to keep them around for a few weeks and Hamilton seizes on the opportunity, but Eheres mentions he has a team going to the nationals.
  • Hal begins to question about the kids, but Hamilton brushes him off and follows Eheres.
  • A kid named Freddy hits the ball out to the Super Scouts, who watch it roll by on the ground. The kids asks for the ball, which Starla retrieves after being asked. She picks it up and asks Wellington, who informs her that it's called a baseball and begins to discuss the history behind baseball.
  • As Hamilton, Hal and Eheres approach the field, the kids in the field asks whether or not the scouts will throw it back.
  • As Starla decides to throw it back, Hamilton yells at her, telling her not to. Alas, she throws the ball and it flies over the tree line — over 300 yards away. The kids in the field believe they're wiseguys. Hamilton approaches the Scouts and Starla asks her if she's done something wrong.
  • Before she can answer, Hal motions her over. He points out that Starla threw the ball over a half-mile, which Hamilton tries to quickly explain away as an optical illusion. Hal comments that Starla's got the arm of Nolan Ryan and asks for the truth.
  • Hamilton tells him that the child is a genetic mutation and Starla can throw the ball that far repeatedly. Hal literally drools over this, telling Hamilton to have Starla do it again. Hamilton quickly replies not to shoot yet, since she has something very carefully choreographed. She appeals to Hal's egotistical side, saying that the footage she's choreographed could earn him an Emmy Award or a Pulitzer Prize, and he agrees.
  • Eheres' approaches the kids and asks them if they'd like to play ball. They agree and Eheres promises to tell them how the game is played. Hamilton tells Hal to get set up in a good position. He goes off and Hamilton talks to the scouts alone, telling them that they can't do anything to betray who they really are. Wellington clarifies this to his fellow scouts, telling them that they have to perform as "complete muscular disasters". The scouts are disappointed and amble towards the baseball field. Starla notes that it "won't be easy". Out of their earshot, Hamilton says to herself that "none of this is easy".
  • Dillon tells Troy they are in complete power shut down. Troy replies to Dillon's note of their using up the oxygen by saying that they have 8 hours left at normal breathing capacity. He suggests that they induce sleep mode in order to stretch that out, believing they can add a little over 2 additional hours to that number.
  • Dillon initially argues against this, saying they should try and communicate to Galactica. Troy suggests they take turns: one will sleep while the other tries to make contact, hoping they'll orbit back into Galactica's communications range. Dillon offers to take the first watch, since he can't sleep.
  • Troy induces sleep mode. Dillon ruefully notes that, after all they've been through, they're going to go out without a fight. He wonders if anyone knows their location.
  • Colonel Sydell visits Mr. Brooks at UBC, telling him he came to see Hamilton. Brooks tells her she's off on a story, but offers to help. He shows Brooks a folder with pictures of the Warriors. Brooks comments about their being "terrorists", but adds that she's covering a story on an ex-ballplayer who runs a camp for kids. Sydell picks up on this and asks if there are scouts involved. After Brooks replies in the affirmative, Sydell tells him that the scouts are impostors and asks where they are.
  • Brooks reveals that someone else (Xaviar) asked about their location earlier, who asked the "very same question".
  • At the camp, Hamilton walks by a large tree. From the other side of the tree, Xaviar grabs for her and startles her. Xaviar tells her not to be afraid and introduces himself as Nash, informing her that Adama sent him to help her with the children. She tells him that she thought him to be "Bigfoot or something", which prompts him to ask about the myth, but Hamilton says that it's not important.
  • Hamilton tells him that she's worn out from the children and can use the help. When asked about how good he is with children, he replies that he loves children, "very much".
  • As the scouts and children scrimmage, Hamilton and Xaviar arrive in Eheres' office. Hamilton thanks him for everything he's done so far and attempts to introduce Xaviar to Eheres, but he brushes them off and storms out.
  • Xaviar notes that he is not a "friendly sort" and Hamilton wants to tell him that she'll reimburse him for the room and board. The camp aide informs her that they're bankrupt and can't save the camp, since half the team came down with the flu themselves and, if they can get a full team, they forfeit. He adds that Stratton, the owner of the land the camp resides upon, would sell so fast that they would be waking up on someone else's land.
  • Hamilton asks about Billy's kids but doesn't get an answer when the phone rings. It's Mr. Brooks.
  • Hamilton answers the phone, tell him that the phone call is a surprise and she didn't expect to hear from him. He replies that he didn't expect to hear from the Air Force either, who didn't tell him much -- but, as he contends, neither did she. He tells her that he believes her Boy Scouts are not who they appear to be and he asks for information about what happened at Paradise Valley, knowing that there was more there than she had lead him to believe. She leads him to believe that the story of Paradise Valley was just the "tip of the iceberg" and the story she's working on "is of major proportions".
  • Brooks sympathizes with her on keeping the story of "this magnitude" under her hat, but chastises her for not telling her own people. He says he's prepared to offer her all the assistance he can once Sydell arrives, he also adds that he had to tell him as she left him in a very awkward position. She thanks him and then hangs up.
  • She tells Xaviar that Sydell is on his way, which is a name he doesn't recognize. Noting this, she tells him that Adama must have said something about the Air Force investigation, to which he replies that he says, "Yes, of course."
  • Eheres is out in the field by himself with a ball in hand when Hamilton arrives with Starla. He is resigning himself to the fact that there won't be a game tomorrow and that he'll lose the camp. Hamilton offers to lend the assistance of the Super Scouts to Eheres, who is initially extremely skeptical of their ability to help him. However, once he sees what Starla can do (she throws a ball through the wood wall behind home base), he accepts.
  • As Eheres, Starla and Hamilton run off the field, Xaviar is watching from a nearby hill.
  • A crew woman contacts Adama, informing him of an emergency transmission. He has it piped to his quarters. It is Xaviar.
  • Adama asks what "diabolical plot" he is weaving. Xaviar says he wishes to bargain, but Adama will have none of it, saying he's placed himself outside of their laws.
  • Xaviar replies that this is untrue, but he merely disagrees with the policies of the "infantile wizard". He refuses to be lead by an adolescent.
  • Adama asks him for his bargain. Xaviar offers the lives of Troy, Dillon and the Super Scouts. Adama is angered by this, pointedly asking: "And you say you are not mad?" Xaviar retorts that he simply wants to live free and in peace on Earth. Adama asks him what time period he will live in, knowing that Xaviar will use his knowledge to live in a position of power of a powerful country. Xaviar replies that this is his business as so long as he obeys the "intergalactic laws".
  • Adama replies that he'll have to consult Zee and the Council of Twelve. Xaviar gives Adama 10 Earth hours to agree. After that, he claims, "Troy and Dillon will be beyond help".
  • In the Viper, Troy is still sleeping while Dillon attempts to reach Galactica with a priority red message. Troy wakes up an hour early, wanting to know their oxygen levels. Dillon replies that they'll run out long before the enter Galactica's communications range. Troy tells Dillon to sleep while he tries to take the computron apart in an attempt to fix the sabotage. Dillon tells Troy that it'll be hard for him to sleep knowing he may never wake up again.
  • At the playoffs, a cheerleading squad does their act that opens the Southern Conference Regional Playoffs, the game that pits the Southeastern champion, the Cougars, against the finalists from the Southwestern conference, the Polecats.
  • The announcer notes that they tried to interview the Polecats earlier, but found them to not be "very big talkers" and mentions that they "are not very big at all". In the announcer box, the announcer introduces and begins an interview with Eheres, who tells him that their main advantage is that he stresses the fundamentals of baseball.
  • In the locker room, the Polecats -- the Super Scouts -- are discussing baseball. Starla broaches the topic of "catching flies in the field", not knowing the reference. The other female scout replies that flies are disgusting.
  • Hamilton comes into the locker room, telling Xaviar that she sees a lot of reporters there and that the whole thing was a mistake. Xaviar assures her that it isn't, telling her what better place to hide than in a crowd right in front of people. Hamilton approaches the scouts and begins talking when Sydell shows up. Sydell notes that she looks terrified and asks about it, to which Hamilton replies that he merely startled her.
  • Hamilton tells the children that she can't talk now, to which Sydell replies that she can and she will. He instructs his sergeant to watch the children. Eheres enters then, telling the Colonel that he'll have to watch the children from the bleachers since they have a game to play.
  • Hal enters, answering Sydell's question about a game. He then asks about the Air Force's interest there, to which he does not receive an answer. When Hamilton sardonically asks if he has a statement to make to the press, Sydell replies that he can wait until he sees their performance on the field, which he believes will be interesting.
  • Eheres gives a pep talk to the Polecats and they soon rush to the field. The Cougars are awaiting them on the field, which Eheres leads the Polecats to. The game is about to start with a coin toss. The umpire begins the coin toss with the two captains. The Polecats rush to their dugout and begin to literally hit the bench, which leads to a moment of confusion from Eheres. Wellington explains that they're hitting the bench, just like the umpire said for them to do. Hamilton tells them to stop.
  • The umpire shows the kids a brand new silver dollar. The umpire gives the option to call the toss to the Polecat captain, who calls it a "brand new silver dollar", takes the coin, and runs off to the dugout to show the other scouts. He asks the other kid of the Polecat was just kidding, but runs after the Polecat captain.
  • The announcer notes the misunderstanding, which leads to laughing from the audience.
  • Eheres asks the umpire what the issue is and the umpire threatens to announce the Polecats' forfeiture of the game should the kid not return his dollar. The kid returns the dollar.
  • With the children now assembled, Hamilton tells them that the Air Force is watching them and they have to act like Earth children: they're going to have to lose.
  • The game starts. Wellington is the first batter. Moonstone is assigned as the next batter. Wellington is on his first strike.
  • The third base person comments that he has a better swing "hanging from a tree in my backyard", which adds insult to injury for Wellington. Eheres gives Wellington encouragement. After the second strike, Wellington looks over to Hamilton, who nods her head. Wellington strikes and he is out. Sydell looks on in consternation.
  • Dillon wakes up, expressing his hope that he had awakened on Galactica instead of the Viper. Dillon notes that the air is foul.
  • Troy informs him that Xaviar managed to seal off the circuit, noting that there's nothing more they can do from inside the Viper. They need to get outside to the master circuits. Dillon notes that the exertion involved would use up the last of their oxygen supply, but they have nothing to lose. Troy asks if he would rather die just sitting in the Viper, but Dillon replies in the negative. They begin donning the helmets to their space suits.
  • Back at the game, the Polecats have taken the field. Frankie Lupo, the lead off batter for the Cougars, hits a ball pitched by Starla deep in left field, which turns into a home run for Lupo. As Lupo makes the first point in the game, Eheres becomes suspicious and begins questioning Hamilton, who refuses to answer any of his questions.
  • Little Jeffy Frieley is the next batter up and Moonstone attempts to catch it, but the other scout tells him not to and he fumbles the ball. Eheres screams instructions out on the field and the other scout throws the ball, but not before Frieley is able to complete a home run.
  • As the audience cheers around him, Sydell whinges. Meanwhile, from the dogout, one of the Cougars tells the Polecats that they should've been called the Scaredy Cats. They begin to meow.
  • Back at the Polecats' dugout, Eheres insinuates that Hamilton is in cahoots with the land developers that want his camp. He says that she's done a good job in doing him in, not to mention his kids.
  • Outside the Viper, Troy and Dillon are effecting repairs. Dillon notes that they don't have the equipment necessary to fix the damage Xaviar's done.
  • Adama contacts Xaviar, who is at the game. The game itself has entered the sixth inning, with the game at 6 to 0. The Cougars are so far victorious.
  • Xaviar enters the dogout and answers Adama. Adama informs him that he's considered Xaviar's proposal and, after much deliberation, he refuses Xaviar's demands. Hamilton, who walks by, overhears the conversation and begins eavesdropping.
  • Adama concludes that should he accept Xaviar's demands, there is nothing to stop Xaviar from attempting to threaten them repeatedly. Adama hopes that Xaviar will see "how useless it would be to harm these innocent people to achieve your end" and vows that Xaviar will never escape the Galacticans' justice.
  • Xaviar bids Adama farewell, noting that he has condemned the children to death.
  • He rejoins Hamilton and tells her to ensure that every child moves directly to the bus. Hamilton asks why, to which Xaviar replies that it is to avoid Sydell. She reveals that she overheard the conversation, which pleases Xaviar, since everything is now in the open. He tells her that if she values her life and those of the childrens', she better do exactly as he says. He twirls his mustache and walks off, leaving Hamilton alone to ponder the next move.

Act 3

  • The commentator announces the end of the sixth inning and that the Cougars are taking the field. The Polecats, Hamilton, Hal and Eheres return to the dugout. Hal notes that he's going to stay behind to take pictures of the winning team, saying that the whole world is going to want pictures of them. He assumes that the Cougars are going to be swamped by reporters. Hamilton conjures up a plan, telling Hal not to count the Polecats out, who rebukes her claim, noting that they haven't a chance. She notes that the game is not over until the very last out and Hal walks away in disbelief.
  • Hamilton turns to the team and tells them they're going home winners. Hamilton asks for a couple of seconds with the kids for a little pep talk. He replies that she's going to need more than a year, but gives her time alone anyway.
  • She tells the kids they have to win, and they're going to have to use all their skills to do it, even if it gives them an unfair advantage over the other Earth kids.
  • Starla is pleased at this, saying that she doesn't like that other team.
  • A Polecat goes up to bat and successfully hits a grounder, which sinks deep into the ground. Sydell watches the new development with renewed interest. As the Cougars dig for it, the scorer declares the hit a base hit.
  • The umpire is being yelled at by Jenkins, the groundskeeper, who in return tells him that it's not his fault if his groundskeepers are building swamps out in the field. He tells Jenkins to get off the field.
  • The second hitter squares the ball, which would otherwise make for an easy out, except that the Polecat has made it to the base.
Troy and Dillon take aim at Xavier in Spaceball.
  • Eheres runs up to the dugout, saying that all they need is a slugger. Hamilton suggests Wellington and, while initially very skeptical, he accepts her judgment. Despite a comment from a Cougar about how Wellington "couldn't hit a beach ball", Wellington does not fail to disappoint. Before hitting, he calculates what angle and with what force he should hit the ball at. He hits the ball and it goes well past the field. All the bases that were filled are now emptied, which the announcer comments upon as being the most remarkable comeback he's ever seen.
  • The home base player for the Cougars mentions that they were lucky, but Wellington tells him it was simple physics.
  • Troy and Dillon finish bypassing the sabotaged computron circuits. They reenter the Viper cockpit and hope for the best.
  • The Polecats are now one point behind the Cougars. They are making their comeback, which pleases Sydell as this gives him the evidence he's been looking for.
  • Troy asks Dillon if he's ready. Dillon replies that he's as ready as he'll ever be. They turbo away and head towards Earth.
  • The game is now Cougars 8, Polecats 9. The announcer mentions that defense is the Polecats' weakest part and will be hard-pressed to protect their slim lead, but he soon eats crow.
  • Starla pitches the ball, which is hit and caught by Starla herself. The Cougar batter looks at the broken bat then walks away, the umpire looks on as well, not sure what to make of it.
  • Starla pitches again. This time the batter manages to hit the ball between the fielders. Moonstone picks up the ball and throws it to Wellington, who gets the Cougar out thanks to the clutch throw.
  • Another Cougar batter hits. This time, it's a long fly ball to the left field, which is caught by the leftfielder who leaps high in the air. It is this catch that wins the Polecats the game. The audience cheers while Sydell looks pleased.
  • Hamilton is jumping ecstatically as everyone rushes out to the field to congratulate the Polecats on their stellar win. Xaviar walks up behind her, telling her to gather the children. She says that this would prove to be difficult. He admires her resourcefulness and says that they'll wait for the children inside.
  • Sydell tells the Sergeant to stay with the children while he heads to follow Hamilton and Xaviar.
  • Back on Earth, Troy and Dillon are en route in their turbines. Armed with coordinates to Xaviar's last transmission, Troy and Dillon are forced to fly there in order to reach them in time.
  • Hamilton and Xaviar enter the locker room, telling her that if she pulls a trick like that again, he'll be "forced to diminish [her] drastically". Sydell barges in, asking Hamilton if she's going some place. Hamilton tells him that the children will be available after the trophy's been awarded. She introduces Xaviar to Sydell, telling him that Xaviar wanted her the scouts to leave with him after the game. Sydell asks what Xaviar's interest is, since anyone who is interested in them is of interest to him. Xaviar insists that Sydell leave, but he refuses and so Xaviar twirls his mustache and pulls out a laser pistol.
  • Troy and Dillon arrive in a nick of time and start a fire fight with Xaviar. Sydell pursues them, despite Hamilton's protestation.
  • In a gymnasium/auditorium, Xaviar and the Warriors exchange laser blasts. Sydell happens to enter and, despite Dillon's warning, Sydell is shot. Troy and Dillon stay behind to attend to Sydell, with Troy later noting that if they continue to pursue Xaviar, they risk injuring others. Thus Xaviar makes good his escape.
  • Sydell will apparently live with proper medical attention.
Starla and basketball
  • Later, Dillon thanks Hamilton for all she's done for the children. She comments that she doesn't want to see another ball game as long as she lives.
  • Troy doesn't understand why, given the scouts' proficiency at it and given that proficiency in sports is something that is strived for on Earth. Hamilton replies that proficiency is good, but out of this world isn't.
  • Meanwhile, the scouts are watching a basketball game. The ball happens to bounce toward them. Starla grabs it and, along with the other scouts, looks at it. The players ask for the ball back.
  • Hamilton expresses that she hopes they don't learn any other game. Troy calls for the children to come with them.
  • The scouts walk away, Starla included. She has the ball, but gives it back to them by throwing it behind her, and manages to throw it through the hoop... much to Hamilton's dismay.

British writer Matthew Wharmby's Humorous Summary

The Fairest Review I Can Manage

BACKGROUND

This was the first Galactica 1980 episode I ever saw (TVS, the ITV network then covering the southern regions of Britain, aired the show, still under the title 'Battlestar Galactica', in autumn 1984). First off, I'm going to mortify the hardcore by declaring that I'm not as against Galactica 1980 as most. To me, the premise was sound, but was let down by the ever-paternalistic network constraints on what constitutes suitable viewing for the kiddies. Still, to me 'any Galactica is good Galactica' and I regard it as a spinoff, not to be taken too seriously (except by some truly gifted fanfic authors, who have done wonders in unifying the two universes).

I'm not so sure there aren't overtones of colonialism in the Gal '80 concept. If you're a more technologically advanced culture, the last thing you want to do is antagonise or frighten the natives, especially when you need them so desperately, and to get their help you've almost got to abase yourself. I've often felt the same way when I go abroad. Still, this episode didn't do a lot for me, and I suspect it didn't for more than a few others.

THE STORY

Troy and Dillon arrive in their usual field on their turbocycles (and I don't care what anyone else says, those bikes were cool). A viper shimmers into view, and out climbs a Colonial warrior named Lieutenant Nash, who states that he has been ordered by Commander Adama to deliver the viper to the two. Programmed into its computron (by Dr. Zee) are the coordinates of the last known sightings of Xaviar. Nash also offers to look after the children until Troy and Dillon return, but there's a shiftiness about his nature that we don't like (it's the English accent, does it every time!). Nash looks pretty pleased with himself as the viper takes off.

At the UBC broadcasting studios, Brooks is handing out assignments. Jamie draws the task of covering a camp for underprivileged kids run by Billy Ayers, a faded baseball star (and this is where I start to fade myself. Sorry, but as an Englishman, baseball bores the living cr*p from me. I've done my best, I even attended an Angels game at Anaheim Stadium, but it's got nothing on football. I said sorry). Jamie reckons she can kill two birds with one stone by taking the Super Scouts (who are underprivileged kids of a sort, after all) there for a day out. Mr Brooks is none too pleased with the way Jamie has been waltzing off assignment to hang about with these kids, so attaches Hal, a nerdy cameraman with an obvious crush on Jamie, to the project. Brooks also laments that he's no nearer to discovering the nature of the 'terrorists', as he holds up Kent McCord's and Barry van Dyke's studio 8x10s to the camera.

Somehow, while all this is happening (you'll appreciate my lack of effort in watching the whole tape again) the kids end up in the studio, where they show off their (smug!) superior skills by dismantling a television camera. Its handler goes apeshit at seeing the pieces all over and runs screaming off to Jamie, but when she takes the party down to investigate, the kids have put it all back together again. Aaw. There were some cheap thrills in this show, and this is one of them - and you can't get much cheaper than kids making mugs out of grown-ups. Kids' show this was, and don't they just know it. Meanwhile again, poor Colonel Sydell, the downtrodden representative of the United States Air Force, is having a really bad day. I can't truthfully remember how he comes to figure in this plot, but suffice it to say he wants to catch Troy and Dillon something rotten, as they've buggered up his career and no mistake. The third studio mugshot of the day is Robyn Douglass's, so he decides to blow work off for the day to pay Jamie a visit. The breakout star of this episode is Sydell's pretty secretary (a full Lieutenant in rank! Nice work if you can get it...)

At the baseball camp, Jamie and the kids pull up in a woody wagon with a greater capacity than the Tardis (I know American cars were big back in the day, but thirteen bodies, small as some are, was not a realistic load!) and have a chat with Billy Ayers, who grouses that his Little League operation is going down the pan. He manages a team scheduled for local playoffs, but as luck would have it they've all come down with the flu. Jamie offers up her own kids, but confesses that they don't know the game. Out of shot, they immediately embarrass Jamie when adorable little Starla picks up a baseball and throws it back to the kids who hit it towards her feet. Her gentle throw goes clean over the horizon (and this IS funny, you've got to admit). Dim Hal gets all excited and scrambles to get footage for the six o'clock news (probably the post-live police chase, post-Johnny Mountain wacky weather puff piece), and Jamie's well flustered. She has to let the kids down easily by telling them to hide their skills, and basically behave like 'complete genetic retards' in the anguished words (more or less) of the most redheaded of these galactic stepchildren.

At this point we cut to Troy and Dillon (wondered where those two had got to!) zipping through space in this loaner viper. All they have to do is punch in the coordinates supplied to them by Nash (sounds too easy, doesn't it?) and just like that, the viper conks out (visualised as a truly appalling freeze-frame). You can almost smell the panic through the TV set as they realise they're in deep felgercarb. Their last resort is to contact the Galactica and beg for help, which is our one of just two scenes in this episode to feature Commander Adama. Lorne Greene carries it off well however, standing stoically with chest out and hands behind back, albeit on a dreadful bridge set which is so obviously shoved into the corner of one of Universal's less-favoured soundstages. Adama has no idea what Troy is on about, noting that Lieutenant Nash is 'standing right here beside me', and that they've got into some sort of trap. Conveniently, they then drift out of radio range. Adama dispatches a patrol to find them (which is never heard from again, incidentally!), but Troy and Dillon have got problems. So much 'in trouble' that this scene is actually REPEATED! The continuity supervisor and editor should all be shot, as they've already duped scenes (the infamous 'Since the time of our defeat, the Cylons have not been idle' Dr Zee monologue).

If you've got problems, kids, just go to sleep, and it'll be better in the morning. This message has been brought to you by ABC. To this end, Dillon nods off for a bout of sleep mode, while Troy tries to take the ship apart from the inside (you try that when you can't move your arms higher than your head). To add to this, their air's starting to run out. The best line in this episode stems from this little concern, when Dillon complains 'The air's foul in here.' So much for a children's show - you can't get much more suspect than wondering what happens when two men find themselves in a confined space!

So we've established that Nash is Xaviar - this is explained by Dr Zee's matter-of-fact explanation that 'we are all quite capable of epidermal transformation', i.e. face lifts for all. Without going too deeply into the whys and wherefores of this convenient excuse for Richard Lynch's non-reprisal of the Xaviar role, Jeremy Brett (who, to be fair, is only 99% dreadful) can now pester the kids unknown to Jamie. She thinks he's just another Galactican rube slumming it on Earth, and drags him along to the first innings of the baseball game, which can't be much fun (being evil's hard work, kids!). The ante is upped in that if the Polecats (the none-too-flattering title for these Galactican Dodgers) lose this game, Billy Ayers will go bust, and lose his holding to greedy, nasty developers. Some squabbling on the edge (between the - erm - the fellow who's dressed up like the black Michelin Man - the one Schroeder does in Peanuts when they're playing. That one; and what are probably representatives of the developers) is already taking place.

Invariably the Super Scouts come on, and are stuffed off the planet. Made to perform like geeks, they fall behind, to the order of 6-0 or thereabouts. Jamie is cringing - it seems either way you lose with this space rabble. Billy Ayers is looking at a dustbin for his next meal. Under the bleachers, Xaviar rings up Adama and chats almost cordially. All he wants is an amnesty, and the freedom to live wherever and whenever he chooses. Adama's not having it, so Xaviar threatens to slaughter the children, basically for fun. Jamie rumbles him, but is boxed into a corner. And, to really top things off, Colonel Sydell has decided to make a flying visit (so to speak). He'd already dropped by the station, to be informed that he wasn't the only individual interested in directions to the baseball camp (cue 'evil' music). Jamie collars the kids at half-time and reverses her instructions, ordering them to show off all their skills and give these sneering Earth mugs an ass-whupping, Galactican style. The rationale? The press will be swarming all over the winning team, and neither Xaviar nor Sydell will be able to get a look in. Clever girl, our Jamie.

As the Polecats begin hammering the Cougars, Troy and Dillon realise that there's no other way to fix the sabotaged viper but to get out and push. Having managed to get their spacesuits on inside the cockpit, they do just that (and this bit is done fairly well; you can't see the wires. One of the few uses of blue screen in the whole series, and after missing out on proper space action so much for all this Earthbound tripe, you really do welcome it all the more!). The repairs complete, they haul ass back towards Earth, and there ensues the inevitable flying bike matte, which sees its two thousandth or so repetition. Perhaps they mirror-imaged it for a bit of variety, I can't remember.

Xaviar isn't too happy that he's got the next World Series winners on his hands, and shepherds Jamie towards the gym. Sydell joins them there, and the two baddies engage in some truly ridiculous, and alarmingly effete, banter establishing who they are and what the other's problem is. Mercifully, Xaviar ends this by whipping his gun out (so much for non-violence - how the show needed it! Used constructively, of course!). At that moment, Troy and Dillon bust in and Xaviar legs it. They shoot it out for about fifteen seconds, the major casualty being Colonel Sydell, who fancies himself a hero and sprints off after the lads. Xaviar turns on his heel, zeroes in almost casually and puts a round right into his chest. It's only a stunner, but the Air Force man goes down like a sack of wet sand. After that, Our Heroes give up the chase, rather touchingly cradling the out-for-the-count Sydell (isn't that magnanimous? Or unbelievably patronising? You decide).

I said there were funny moments in this cruel show, and the final scene has an absolute corker. Troy and Dillon and Jamie review events, the day is obviously saved for the Great American Pastime as practised by Billy Ayers, and the only thing Jamie can hope for is that the damn kids never take up any other sports! Trouble is, they're standing right over from a basketball court, and once again the ball falls at little Starla's feet. She chucks it over her head, and BOOM! Nothing but net.[1]

Notes

  • In the opening scene, Adama wears a wrist computron as well. Although the reason for it is never explained, as none of the other Galactica crew members wear the device when aboard their ship.
  • Adama says that the ability to alter one's physical appearance is shared by all Colonials. (???)
  • The episode marks both the last appearance and mention of Xaviar, although he was slated to reappear again in the nearly filmed "The Day They Kidnapped Cleopatra".
  • The episode also marks the last on-screen appearance of Colonel Jack Sydell, although he is mentioned by Colonel Briggs in "The Night the Cylons Landed, Part I".
  • The episode also marks the last appearance of Mr. Brooks.
  • The baseball announcer says that one of the boys is named Little Frankie Lupo, an obvious in-joke reference to Galactica 1980 producer Frank Lupo.
  • The names for Steve Baldwin (the announcer), Hal Fredricks, Red, Sunshine (the girl Super Scout) and Nancy Trent are from the shooting script.

Analysis

  • As in all other Galactica 1980 episodes, there is no time delay when Adama communicates with Xavier and the Colonial warriors on Earth. This implies that the Galactica must be relatively nearby (perhaps hidden behind the Moon?) or that Colonial audio signals travel faster than the speed of light. The former seems far more likely since Adama states that the stranded Viper is within Earth's gravitational pull and that eventually it will orbit back within Galactica's range.
  • A 2-man Viper has life support for less than 24 hours, which seems reasonable considering its cramped cockpit.
  • Somehow, the new Viper craft have a cockpit accessible storage space for space suits. Their presence definitively proves that pilots in the ship do not have proper protection against the elements of space, which means that the pilots are not able to eject from the craft should escape from their enemies be impossible.
  • Barring a successful bid to steal another Viper (and a Viper outfitted with a time warp synthesizer), Xaviar is effectively trapped on Earth in the present time frame. However, it should be noted that in "The Day They Kidnapped Cleopatra", an episode being prepped at the time Galactica 1980's cancellation order came down, Xaviar somehow managed to obtain a Viper with a time warp synthesizer.
  • While Sydell is shot and, as such, prevented from reporting his findings to the Air Force, there are a few variables that have no been accounted for, which can lead to the world wide revelation of the Super Scouts. The first is the sergeant that was with Sydell and subsequently tasked to watch the children. The second, and most troubling for the Galacticans, is the fact that the game was recorded. Also, now the government has pictures of each individual scout, given the press interest in their win. So they've just raised their visibility and will only help prove Sydell's point that something other-worldly is happening.

Questions

  • Why does Adama need to wear a wrist computron aboard Galactica?
  • How did Xaviar manage to change his voice to sound like Nash's?
  • Why didn't Xaviar sabotage or remove the space suits stowed aboard the Viper?

Noteworthy Dialogue

  • Adama makes a log entry:
Adama: The Galactica continues to lead the Cylons away from the planet Earth. But so far, our brother Council member Xaviar, who has turned outlaw, continues to elude us. Two of our most able Warriors, Troy and Dillon, remain down on the planet Earth, seeking a place where we can send our young to prevent their destruction in what we know will be an imminent and final Cylon battle. With each day, it becomes increasingly difficult for our children to live as Earth's children. Being accustomed to a much denser gravity causes them to display super skills that are jeopardizing their ability to blend in down on Earth without detection. Still, they must try. Surely they face imminent destruction out in space.
  • Jamie Hamilton tells the Super Scouts to not show off their super skills when playing baseball for the first time:
Jamie Hamilton: Now listen, I want you to promise me you won't do anything to betray who you really are.
Wellington: Which means we have to perform as complete muscular disasters.
Moonstone: Do we have to?
Hamilton: That's right. Now go out there and lose.

From Script to Screen

The following are noted differences between the script and the final episode:

  • The first act introduces Jamie Hamilton's plight: she's late for a meeting and needs a place to park the Super Scouts. The guard at the gate named Vic tells her to place them in one of the studios, noting that the studio tour will start in an hour.[2] It does not start off with Adama's "commander's log" monologue, as seen at the start of the show.
  • The UBC employee that discovers a disassembled camera is called Red.[3]
  • In Act 2, Jack Sydell and a man named Colonel Ben Lancaster are discussing Air Force Special Detachment One's budget, which Sydell feels is inadequate. Lancaster reminds him that his job is to run PR for the Air Force when the situation warrants, and not to search for UFOs on a full-time basis.[4] The scenes that follow this, namely Sydell's brief discussion with his secretary, Lieutenant Nancy Trent, are later moved earlier in the show just after Xaviar—impersonating Nash—gives Troy and Dillon the sabotaged Viper.
  • There is a discussion between Stratton and Billy Eheres over the status of the property Casey's Camp is on. Stratton gives his ultimatum here: he has until Monday to come up with funding, otherwise he will accept the deal presented by Intercontinental. The scene occurs before Hamilton and the Scouts' arrival at the camp.[5]
  • Eheres' motivations for running the camp are made clearer here. The scene is later truncated to the portion where Eheres offers the Super Scouts the chance to play baseball, despite Hamilton's objection.[6]
  • A plot regarding the dead Viper being detected by an American spy satellite, the Andromeda Six, appears in the script[7] but is later dropped since no mention of it is made in the episode. This section also includes the introduction of a character named Captain Riddle.
  • After Hamilton shows Starla's ball-throwing abilities to Eheres, she recommends they leave the camp so that the children do not get the flu, which is a ploy to prevent Sydell, who is en route, from following them.[8]
  • As Eheres is driving the bus with the kids on board that night, the bus suddenly develops engine trouble and Xaviar (in the form of Nash) appears, helping Eheres "fix" the problem that Xaviar induced in the first place.[9] This scene is the alternate introduction to Xaviar: on the final filmed version, Xaviar is already at the camp and it is still during the day when he arrives.
  • The scene where Xaviar makes his demands occurs only after the Scouts have arrived at the field. He finds an isolated room—the Coach's room—and makes his demands, which are overheard by Hamilton.[10]
  • The scenes regarding the epidermal transformation and Nash and Adama on Galactica are not included in the script.

Guest Stars

Get The Script

References

  1. ↑ Sheba's Galaxy: The Ultimate Battlestar Galactica Information Site
  2. ↑ Script for the episode "Spaceball", p. 1
  3. ↑ Ibid., p. 4
  4. ↑ Ibid., pgs. 15-16
  5. ↑ Ibid., pgs. 17-18
  6. ↑ Ibid., pgs. 18-20
  7. ↑ Ibid., pgs. 29-30
  8. ↑ Ibid., p. 37
  9. ↑ Ibid., p. 38-40
  10. ↑ Ibid., pgs. 42-44


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