Spot the Cylon: Difference between revisions
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[[Cylon Raider (RDM)|Some Cylons]] fly. These Cylons are harder to spot. They look almost, but not quite entirely, nothing like [[wikipedia:Cadbury's Creme Egg|Cadbury Eggs]] with pointy bits on the outside and smooth creamy badness on the inside. If you see hundreds of these flying at you, despair not. They are quite easy to kill. | [[Cylon Raider (RDM)|Some Cylons]] fly. These Cylons are harder to spot. They look almost, but not quite entirely, nothing like [[wikipedia:Cadbury's Creme Egg|Cadbury Eggs]] with pointy bits on the outside and smooth creamy badness on the inside. If you see hundreds of these flying at you, despair not. They are quite easy to kill. | ||
==Humano-Cylons<ref>This is a deprecated Battlestar Wiki [[Battlestar_Wiki:Descriptive_term|descriptive term]]. It has been replaced by "[[humanoid Cylon]]" | ==Humano-Cylons<ref>This is a deprecated Battlestar Wiki [[Battlestar_Wiki:Descriptive_term|descriptive term]]. It has been replaced by "[[humanoid Cylon]]," but is left here for increased silliness, and as an homage.</ref>== | ||
[[image:Number_Six_promo.jpg|left|100px]] | [[image:Number_Six_promo.jpg|left|100px]] | ||
Some Cylons look like humans. ''Uh-oh.'' These Cylons are much more difficult to spot. But do not despair! Even if they appear to be human, there are still several sure-fire methods to '''Spot the Cylon'''. | Some Cylons look like humans. ''Uh-oh.'' These Cylons are much more difficult to spot. But do not despair! Even if they appear to be human, there are still several sure-fire methods to '''Spot the Cylon'''. | ||
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===Flashlight=== | ===Flashlight=== | ||
Humano-Cylons do not like [[flashlight]]s. Waving a flashlight at a Cylon might cause it to react poorly. | Humano-Cylons do not like [[flashlight]]s. Waving a flashlight at a Cylon might cause it to react poorly. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Call it a Toaster=== | ===Call it a Toaster=== | ||
Humano-Cylons do not like being called [[toaster]]s. Interestingly, toasters do not like being called Cylons. While calling a toaster a Cylon might involve your toast being over-done, calling a Cylon a toaster might involve you being over and done. | Humano-Cylons do not like being called [[toaster]]s. Interestingly, toasters do not like being called Cylons. While calling a toaster a Cylon might involve your toast being over-done, calling a Cylon a toaster might involve you being over and done. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Hot Mamas=== | ===Hot Mamas=== | ||
[[Image:Cylon_Centurion_New_002.jpg|right|90px]] | [[Image:Cylon_Centurion_New_002.jpg|right|90px]] | ||
| Line 32: | Line 30: | ||
If you think metal Cylons are hot, no one likes you— sicko. | If you think metal Cylons are hot, no one likes you— sicko. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Glowing Spines=== | ===Glowing Spines=== | ||
[[Image:6spine-ms.jpg|left|90px]] | [[Image:6spine-ms.jpg|left|90px]] | ||
When in the process of knocking up a Humano-Cylon, the Humano-Cylon's spine glows red (Note: this is a good reason to install mirrors on ceilings). Although it would seem like it might be difficult to seduce a hot mama Cylon, take heart! This is not true! This brings us to our next point: | When in the process of knocking up a Humano-Cylon, the Humano-Cylon's spine glows red (Note: this is a good reason to install mirrors on ceilings). Although it would seem like it might be difficult to seduce a hot mama Cylon, take heart! This is not true! This brings us to our next point: | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Cylons are Sluts=== | ===Cylons are Sluts=== | ||
It is ridiculously easy to seduce a Cylon. Even complete nerds like [[Helo]] can seduce a [[Sharon Agathon|Cylon]]. Hang in there! | It is ridiculously easy to seduce a Cylon. Even complete nerds like [[Karl Agathon|Helo]] can seduce a [[Sharon Agathon|Cylon]]. Hang in there! | ||
You might even get really lucky and score the grand prize: a [[Hero|threesome]] with [[Six]] and [[Three]] ... of course, you'll have to betray the entire human race not [[Fall of the Twelve Colonies|once]], but [[Occupation|twice]], as well as suffer horrific [[A Measure of Salvation|torture]] beforehand. Oh well; no pain, no gain ... right? | You might even get really lucky and score the grand prize: a [[Hero|threesome]] with [[Six]] and [[Three]] ... of course, you'll have to betray the entire human race not [[Fall of the Twelve Colonies|once]], but [[Occupation|twice]], as well as suffer horrific [[A Measure of Salvation|torture]] beforehand. Oh well; no pain, no gain ... right? | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Twins=== | ===Twins=== | ||
Some Cylons are twins of each other. If you see a set of hot mama or complete stud twins standing next to each other, chances are they are Cylons! Commence shooting on sight. If you are mistaken, blame the [[chamalla]]. You'll probably get away with it. If you don't, don't worry, it's not the [[Fall of the Twelve Colonies|end of the world]]. | Some Cylons are twins of each other. If you see a set of hot mama or complete stud twins standing next to each other, chances are they are Cylons! Commence shooting on sight. If you are mistaken, blame the [[chamalla]]. You'll probably get away with it. If you don't, don't worry, it's not the [[Fall of the Twelve Colonies|end of the world]]. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Radiation=== | ===Radiation=== | ||
There's this [[Cylon detector|atomic bomb radiation thing]]. But who has time for that? | There's this [[Cylon detector|atomic bomb radiation thing]]. But who has time for that? | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Music=== | ===Music=== | ||
If you notice people wandering around in a daze, claiming to hear [[The Music|music]] that does not exist, prime up the nearest [[airlock]] or [[launch tube]] and give them the "[[Jammer]] Treatment". Make the [[Laura Roslin|President]] proud! | If you notice people wandering around in a daze, claiming to hear [[The Music|music]] that does not exist, prime up the nearest [[airlock]] or [[launch tube (RDM)|launch tube]] and give them the "[[Jammer]] Treatment". Make the [[Laura Roslin|President]] proud! | ||
{{clear}} | |||
==Bathtub Cylons== | |||
[[Image:Hybrid.jpg|left|100px]] | |||
Some Cylons like to live in bathtubs. If you see a person in a bathtub wearing a water-polo hat, ask a question. No, it doesn't matter, any question. If the answer is something like "the eye of the husband of the eye of the cow," you are dealing with a Cylon. Don't worry, these Cylons [[The Eye of Jupiter|don't get a vote]], but you can give them a Colonial voter registration card. Made of lead.{{clear}} | |||
==KITT== | ==KITT== | ||
[[Image:Kitt.jpg|right|200px]] | [[Image:Kitt.jpg|right|200px]] | ||
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[http://www.pvponline.com/article/3099/wed-jan-24 Other sources] confirm that this car is very naughty, indeed. | [http://www.pvponline.com/article/3099/wed-jan-24 Other sources] confirm that this car is very naughty, indeed. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
==External Links== | |||
*'How To Spot a Cylon' poster [http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/posters/a56c/ on ThinkGeek] | |||
==References== | ==References== | ||
{{reflist}} | |||
{{quality article}} | {{quality article}} | ||
{{featured article candidate previous}} | {{featured article candidate previous}} | ||
Latest revision as of 17:44, 24 February 2024
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When dealing with Cylons, it is very important to know how to Spot the Cylon. Being able to Spot the Cylon is of the most vital importance! It can make the difference between life and a very boring speech about monotheism.
Metal Cylons
Some Cylons are metal. These Cylons should be easy to spot. Note the metallic skin and the lack of two eyes. Look to your right! There's one. Did you spot the Cylon? Very good.
Remember, these Cylons are mostly harmless, but will bite if you do not keep your fingers clear.
Airplane Cylons
Some Cylons fly. These Cylons are harder to spot. They look almost, but not quite entirely, nothing like Cadbury Eggs with pointy bits on the outside and smooth creamy badness on the inside. If you see hundreds of these flying at you, despair not. They are quite easy to kill.
Humano-Cylons[1]
Some Cylons look like humans. Uh-oh. These Cylons are much more difficult to spot. But do not despair! Even if they appear to be human, there are still several sure-fire methods to Spot the Cylon.
Flashlight
Humano-Cylons do not like flashlights. Waving a flashlight at a Cylon might cause it to react poorly.
Call it a Toaster
Humano-Cylons do not like being called toasters. Interestingly, toasters do not like being called Cylons. While calling a toaster a Cylon might involve your toast being over-done, calling a Cylon a toaster might involve you being over and done.
Hot Mamas
All Humano-Cylons are either hot mamas or complete studs. One of them resembles a young Kevin Spacey. We understand if you don't much care for Brother Cavil— he is, after all, that most rare of breeds, an honest atheist priest (you may have noticed most atheist priests are not honest).
If you think metal Cylons are hot, no one likes you— sicko.
Glowing Spines
When in the process of knocking up a Humano-Cylon, the Humano-Cylon's spine glows red (Note: this is a good reason to install mirrors on ceilings). Although it would seem like it might be difficult to seduce a hot mama Cylon, take heart! This is not true! This brings us to our next point:
Cylons are Sluts
It is ridiculously easy to seduce a Cylon. Even complete nerds like Helo can seduce a Cylon. Hang in there!
You might even get really lucky and score the grand prize: a threesome with Six and Three ... of course, you'll have to betray the entire human race not once, but twice, as well as suffer horrific torture beforehand. Oh well; no pain, no gain ... right?
Twins
Some Cylons are twins of each other. If you see a set of hot mama or complete stud twins standing next to each other, chances are they are Cylons! Commence shooting on sight. If you are mistaken, blame the chamalla. You'll probably get away with it. If you don't, don't worry, it's not the end of the world.
Radiation
There's this atomic bomb radiation thing. But who has time for that?
Music
If you notice people wandering around in a daze, claiming to hear music that does not exist, prime up the nearest airlock or launch tube and give them the "Jammer Treatment". Make the President proud!
Bathtub Cylons
Some Cylons like to live in bathtubs. If you see a person in a bathtub wearing a water-polo hat, ask a question. No, it doesn't matter, any question. If the answer is something like "the eye of the husband of the eye of the cow," you are dealing with a Cylon. Don't worry, these Cylons don't get a vote, but you can give them a Colonial voter registration card. Made of lead.
KITT
Some Cylons are cars. It is recommended that you kill this model on sight, preferably with something very heavy, fast, and with 18 wheels.
Other sources confirm that this car is very naughty, indeed.
External Links
- 'How To Spot a Cylon' poster on ThinkGeek
References
- ↑ This is a deprecated Battlestar Wiki descriptive term. It has been replaced by "humanoid Cylon," but is left here for increased silliness, and as an homage.